About A Mommy

A meme, about being a mommy, ripped from Mama Mia.

1. How long have you been a Mom? 2 days short of 11 months.

2. How many children call you Mommy? just the one.

3. Girl? Boy? or both?: 1 boy.

4. Did you know what you were having? We’ve had this discussion before.  I couldn’t wait to find out whether it was a boy or girl. The Boyfriend’s Parents were thrilled at the idea of a boy, and The Boyfriend’s Father kept saying ‘when my grandson arrives….’ even before we’d found out. None of the doctors could tell me conclusively it was a boy/girl. Eventually I went to a sangoma. She told me it was a boy. She also told me I would have to have an emergency c-section because there would be a problem with the umbilical cord. She was totally right.

5. How old were you when you became a Mom? 22, and turned 23 the following month.

6. How long were you in labor? 12 hours or so. But it was very mild. My labour never progressed past the 1st stage. I was induced twice, but labour failed both times, because the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby’s shoulders, preventing him from descending into the birth canal, so there was no way he was coming out naturally. Eventually had an emergency c-section. Read the story and see the pics here.

7. What’s your favorite thing about being a Mom?When the day is done, The Kid has been fed and bathed, and we’re both lying on the floor in his room, and I give him a massage while he drinks his bedtime bottle. He goes all sleepy while I rub his little limbs and his forehead and face. He loves being massaged, and the bonding time is great for us too. I also love bathing with him,  and having him lie on my chest while I rub his back.

8. What’s your least favorite thing? The shitty nappies, the crying when he’s tired and cranky. The teething. How early he wakes up.

9. Do you want more kids?I highly doubt it. Everyone keeps telling me I still have to have a girl, but I’m all like ‘this shit’s hard work, yo. One’s enough’.

10. Do you plan on having more soon? Hell no.

11. How many times have you been pee’d on? Once or twice, it’s not really a problem anymore. But I did learn one thing. Pee in the eye is better than pee in the mouth.

12. Barfed on? More than I can count. The occasional projectile as well.

13. Is your child named after anyone?  Not in particular. but there is a bit of a family tradition with the initials being ‘T.R’ – as are mine, as are my father’s and as are my son’s.

14. How did you come up with their name? I was pretty restricted by TR, and The Boyfriend really wanted The Kid to have his surname (we’re unmarried) so I cut a deal that I could choose the first two names, and he could have the last name. Which is just as well because he was coming up with some crazy-ass names like ‘Dutch’ and ‘Stone’. I know,  do you feel my pain?

15. When your child gets in trouble, who is the bad guy? I suspect it will be pretty evenly matched. I’m very strict, and it takes a lot to make me melt. But I guess we’ll find out soon enough. A tiny terror is definitely in the making.

16. What is the longest you have been away from your children? 2 days I think. I missed him occasionally, but it wasn’t unbearable, because I knew he was safe with The Boyfriend’s Parents, and I really needed the time to unwind. Although, I do remember the first time I was parted from him, The Boyfriend’s Parents came to take him off our hands for a few hours one day, so I could get some sleep. I was really excited about getting some shut-eye until I realised I couldn’t, because I was anxious at being separated from my kid.

17. Bedtime routine? Warm bath with bubbles and lavender oil, some splashing and playing with toys. Then a massage, while he has his night-time bottle, I dress him, swaddle him, and place him in his crib. And generally dont hear from him until 6 am the next day.

18. Are your toes painted? Not right now, no.

19. Last movie you saw in the theater? It was The House Bunny. Dont bother.

20. One thing you will not give up just because you’re a mom? My studying and/or career.

21. One thing you did give up now that you’re a mom: Partying every night of the week.

22. Best Mom perk: Seeing my son get so excited when he sees me after waking up from a nap. The fact that he shares his food and dummy with me – he insists I have some – even shoves it in my mouth, no matter how disgusting, I have to share. Sharing is a good quality to learn, and I’m amazed he’s learnt it so young.

23. Snack, you sneak bites from your child? See above.

24. When the kid is napping, you are: Studying/reading blogs/sleeping/having a smoke/showering/tidying up.

25. Where is your child(ren) now? Having a nap.

26. Favorite place to buy maternity clothes? Meteor Rose.

27. If I could do it over…I would have taken more pics of my belly, and The Boyfriend and I interacting with the bump. I would have kept a proper pregnancy journal. I probably wouldn’t have smoked. I would have enjoyed my pregnancy more, instead of trying to pretend it wasn’t happening.

28. Did it turn out the way you expected? Totally not. Being a mother is hard. People always tell me ‘oh, but it’s rewarding, doesn’t that make up for it?‘ Only someone with no children can say that. The fact that mothering is rewarding, doesn’t make it any less difficult, any less hard work, any less emotional and life-changing.

I tag: Angel, Briget, Can’t Hardly Wait, Jodi, Kicking You From The Inside, Neener,JentyCamiKaos, Zoeyjane, Stephanie, Katrina, Pia, Sweets, Cath, Jackson’s Mommy, Lisa, The Mad Momma, Wenchy.

and any other mommy/daddy who wants to do this.

Do I Tell Him?

Knowing I was an unplanned pregnancy myself caused me a lot of angst. Strangely enough. My mother had me when she was 16, and married my father so he could get a housing grant. And got divorced and left not much longer after that. I was raised by my father. Who it seems, sometimes impressed upon me the fact that if he hadn’t had me, he would have traveled the world surfing. That’s not to say I know he didn’t love me, but sometimes I just felt guilty, you know?

Now. My son was definitely an unplanned pregnancy as well. I’d only been dating The Boyfriend for 2 months before we found out I was pregnant. So it’s safe to say that my son was unplanned. Unwanted? Not necessarily so. However, there have been times when I have regretted the decision to keep him. (Not often, but they’re there – and I doubt that people who plan their kids ever have that kind of regret). And lately it’s been bugging me.

a few days old

Do I tell him, one day, that he was unplanned? That he’s the glue that holds mommy and daddy together, and prevents them from killing each other? Dont get me wrong, I love The Boyfriend. But like I’ve said before, it’s a love-hate relationship that often borders rather strongly on hate. No, I’m kidding here. I love him, and I believe we were meant to be together, but that we needed something to help us to stay together, because both of us are very flighty people. And that reason is The Kid.

Now, so I tell The Kid that he wasn’t a part of my life plan? That I’d never wanted children?

Do I tell him that I’m only his mommy accidentally?

Do you think it even matters, or am I just making too much of a big deal about it?

You’ve Made Me..

Responding to this.

I never meant to be a mother. I never planned it, I never wanted it, I didn’t even think it could happen. And I was okay with that. I’d made my peace, and seen that my future should be child-free.

But, like all best laid plans, things never work out the way you think they will. One unexpected pregnancy and one emergency c-section later, I find myself being a mother.

It’s not the easiest job in the world, yet most women seem hell-bent on doing it. It’s something I never thought I could do, yet when I had the chance to back out, why didn’t I?

Because every morning, when I look at the tiny replica that is partly me and partly The Boyfriend, I melt. I can see my lips, my smile, my ears, and my sheer stubbornness and determination reflected in this small human. I see The Boyfriend’s eyes, nose, fingers and toes, and his temper and curiosity mixed in with all the traits that are mine. All the best parts of each of us have found a new arrangement and created a new person.

And a new person is not all that resulted from one unplanned pregnancy. I changed as well. Not overnight, like I expected. I didn’t instantly feel like a mother once my child was born, like I was hoping would happen. No, instead I slowly learnt that mothering is about putting someone else’s needs before your own. I would’nt say I’m more patient, I’ve just learnt to be better at hiding my impatience. I’ve learnt that mothering is part instinct and part trial-and-error. Somethings you just know how to do, and others have to be experienced. I’ve also learnt how to ask for advice, and how to take advice. And that doing so doesn’t make me a failure.

I’ve discovered that mothering isn’t all joy and sleeping babies, but that it’s okay to express the fact that ‘today has been the pits, and I’d just like a break from my kid, please‘. I’ve learnt that post-natal-depression doesn’t make you a bad person, or a bad mother, if you seek help. It doesnt even have to be medical help. I got help from my blogging friends, my boyfriend and my family. You’d be surprised, once you admit how you’re feeling, that so many other mothers have felt the same. Talking about your feelings doesn’t make you a sissy. Is another thing I’ve learnt.

I’ve realised that I can stop tears, I can kiss better a bruise, and I can tickle away any worries my baby might have. There’s nothing a hug or an elephant biscuit cant fix. I’ve become a person of routine, whereas before I used to fight every inch of routine in my life. Now routine is satisfying, and helps my baby feel secure. I’ve stopped worrying what other people think of me. The only person I need to impress is my son, and as far as he is concerned, I’m about the coolest thing out there. He wouldn’t trade me for the world.

I know that the smiles, the laughs, the milestones and the tears are all part of being a mother. And sometimes, when I wish he would hurry up and start walking, I realise that I’m wishing his life away…Which is the last thing I’d want. I just want him to be happy, healthy, and to grow and get lots of sleep.

Despite all the battle scars – the stretchmarks, the feet that went from a size 5 to a 6 and never went back. Despite the rings under my eyes, and the sheer exhaustion at the end of the day, I love him. I love being with him, I love stopping him from sticking his finger in the plug socket, I love digging my earrings out his mouth, and bathing with him, and crawling around the bedroom and playing peek-a-boo over and over and over. I love making him smile. And even though I’m not the same person I used to be, and even though I’ve sacrificed so much, I haven’t once, for an instant, regretted it. I love to love my son.

I just want him to be proud of me one day. As proud as I am of him. Proud of the fact that even though he was unplanned, his mother was always there for him. Loving him, guiding him, teaching him, and helping him reach his potential.