Do I Tell Him?

Knowing I was an unplanned pregnancy myself caused me a lot of angst. Strangely enough. My mother had me when she was 16, and married my father so he could get a housing grant. And got divorced and left not much longer after that. I was raised by my father. Who it seems, sometimes impressed upon me the fact that if he hadn’t had me, he would have traveled the world surfing. That’s not to say I know he didn’t love me, but sometimes I just felt guilty, you know?

Now. My son was definitely an unplanned pregnancy as well. I’d only been dating The Boyfriend for 2 months before we found out I was pregnant. So it’s safe to say that my son was unplanned. Unwanted? Not necessarily so. However, there have been times when I have regretted the decision to keep him. (Not often, but they’re there – and I doubt that people who plan their kids ever have that kind of regret). And lately it’s been bugging me.

a few days old

Do I tell him, one day, that he was unplanned? That he’s the glue that holds mommy and daddy together, and prevents them from killing each other? Dont get me wrong, I love The Boyfriend. But like I’ve said before, it’s a love-hate relationship that often borders rather strongly on hate. No, I’m kidding here. I love him, and I believe we were meant to be together, but that we needed something to help us to stay together, because both of us are very flighty people. And that reason is The Kid.

Now, so I tell The Kid that he wasn’t a part of my life plan? That I’d never wanted children?

Do I tell him that I’m only his mommy accidentally?

Do you think it even matters, or am I just making too much of a big deal about it?