Bad Mommy Moment

I learnt something the other day.

When they tell you not to leave your kid unattended in the bath, it’s for good reason.

I left The Kid unattended in the bath for about 2 minutes, while I went to prepare his bedtime bottle.

Needless to say, as I picked up the bottle, and walked toward the bathroom, I heard a thump and then some heart-wrenching sobs. My kid had leaned over the edge of the tub, because he’d dropped a toy on the floor, and he spilled out onto the tiles. Head first, of course.

And his nose started bleeding, and he cried. And cried. And cried some more.

I had to get into the bath with him, and lay him on my chest and rub his back until his tears were gone.

Yes, terrible mother. Bad mistake.

Lesson learnt: do not leave Kid unattended in the bath. ever.

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About A Mommy

A meme, about being a mommy, ripped from Mama Mia.

1. How long have you been a Mom? 2 days short of 11 months.

2. How many children call you Mommy? just the one.

3. Girl? Boy? or both?: 1 boy.

4. Did you know what you were having? We’ve had this discussion before.  I couldn’t wait to find out whether it was a boy or girl. The Boyfriend’s Parents were thrilled at the idea of a boy, and The Boyfriend’s Father kept saying ‘when my grandson arrives….’ even before we’d found out. None of the doctors could tell me conclusively it was a boy/girl. Eventually I went to a sangoma. She told me it was a boy. She also told me I would have to have an emergency c-section because there would be a problem with the umbilical cord. She was totally right.

5. How old were you when you became a Mom? 22, and turned 23 the following month.

6. How long were you in labor? 12 hours or so. But it was very mild. My labour never progressed past the 1st stage. I was induced twice, but labour failed both times, because the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby’s shoulders, preventing him from descending into the birth canal, so there was no way he was coming out naturally. Eventually had an emergency c-section. Read the story and see the pics here.

7. What’s your favorite thing about being a Mom?When the day is done, The Kid has been fed and bathed, and we’re both lying on the floor in his room, and I give him a massage while he drinks his bedtime bottle. He goes all sleepy while I rub his little limbs and his forehead and face. He loves being massaged, and the bonding time is great for us too. I also love bathing with him,  and having him lie on my chest while I rub his back.

8. What’s your least favorite thing? The shitty nappies, the crying when he’s tired and cranky. The teething. How early he wakes up.

9. Do you want more kids?I highly doubt it. Everyone keeps telling me I still have to have a girl, but I’m all like ‘this shit’s hard work, yo. One’s enough’.

10. Do you plan on having more soon? Hell no.

11. How many times have you been pee’d on? Once or twice, it’s not really a problem anymore. But I did learn one thing. Pee in the eye is better than pee in the mouth.

12. Barfed on? More than I can count. The occasional projectile as well.

13. Is your child named after anyone?  Not in particular. but there is a bit of a family tradition with the initials being ‘T.R’ – as are mine, as are my father’s and as are my son’s.

14. How did you come up with their name? I was pretty restricted by TR, and The Boyfriend really wanted The Kid to have his surname (we’re unmarried) so I cut a deal that I could choose the first two names, and he could have the last name. Which is just as well because he was coming up with some crazy-ass names like ‘Dutch’ and ‘Stone’. I know,  do you feel my pain?

15. When your child gets in trouble, who is the bad guy? I suspect it will be pretty evenly matched. I’m very strict, and it takes a lot to make me melt. But I guess we’ll find out soon enough. A tiny terror is definitely in the making.

16. What is the longest you have been away from your children? 2 days I think. I missed him occasionally, but it wasn’t unbearable, because I knew he was safe with The Boyfriend’s Parents, and I really needed the time to unwind. Although, I do remember the first time I was parted from him, The Boyfriend’s Parents came to take him off our hands for a few hours one day, so I could get some sleep. I was really excited about getting some shut-eye until I realised I couldn’t, because I was anxious at being separated from my kid.

17. Bedtime routine? Warm bath with bubbles and lavender oil, some splashing and playing with toys. Then a massage, while he has his night-time bottle, I dress him, swaddle him, and place him in his crib. And generally dont hear from him until 6 am the next day.

18. Are your toes painted? Not right now, no.

19. Last movie you saw in the theater? It was The House Bunny. Dont bother.

20. One thing you will not give up just because you’re a mom? My studying and/or career.

21. One thing you did give up now that you’re a mom: Partying every night of the week.

22. Best Mom perk: Seeing my son get so excited when he sees me after waking up from a nap. The fact that he shares his food and dummy with me – he insists I have some – even shoves it in my mouth, no matter how disgusting, I have to share. Sharing is a good quality to learn, and I’m amazed he’s learnt it so young.

23. Snack, you sneak bites from your child? See above.

24. When the kid is napping, you are: Studying/reading blogs/sleeping/having a smoke/showering/tidying up.

25. Where is your child(ren) now? Having a nap.

26. Favorite place to buy maternity clothes? Meteor Rose.

27. If I could do it over…I would have taken more pics of my belly, and The Boyfriend and I interacting with the bump. I would have kept a proper pregnancy journal. I probably wouldn’t have smoked. I would have enjoyed my pregnancy more, instead of trying to pretend it wasn’t happening.

28. Did it turn out the way you expected? Totally not. Being a mother is hard. People always tell me ‘oh, but it’s rewarding, doesn’t that make up for it?‘ Only someone with no children can say that. The fact that mothering is rewarding, doesn’t make it any less difficult, any less hard work, any less emotional and life-changing.

I tag: Angel, Briget, Can’t Hardly Wait, Jodi, Kicking You From The Inside, Neener,JentyCamiKaos, Zoeyjane, Stephanie, Katrina, Pia, Sweets, Cath, Jackson’s Mommy, Lisa, The Mad Momma, Wenchy.

and any other mommy/daddy who wants to do this.

Ten Foolproof Ways To Soothe a Crying Baby

aka ‘The Bad Mommy’s Guide To Getting Your Baby to Shoosh and Quit That Crying’.

1. Check the basics.
Wet nappy? Hungry? Hot or cold? Uncomfortable position? Cover all your bases before trying other things. Sometimes a crying baby is merely telling you he’d like a new nappy, or it’s time for some grub.

2. Massage.
Nothing beats a mother’s loving touch. First warm your hands; use a bit of lavender or camomile baby massage oil (diluted as instructed) and stroke your baby’s body with gentle but firm circular movements. He can be lying on a changing surface or a towel over your lap. This is an especially good technique when colic strikes or you have been apart too long. Massage every day if possible. I always do it after bath time, just before bed. Great way to make him sleepy, and is very relaxing for the both of you.

If you dont have lavender oil, use baby oil. Sunflower or olive oil can even be used, and is very good for dry, irritable sensitive skin. Massaging the ‘T zone’ – the forehead and bridge of the nose is a sure way to get my son’s eyelids feeling heavy.

3. Water.
Run a slightly-hotter-than-usual bath. Add some lavender oil, light a few candles and get some bubbles going (using baby-friendly products). Submerge yourself, and lie your baby on your chest to hear your heartbeat. I’ve had baths at 2am with my baby, even though it’s the last thing on earth I felt like doing, it really, really helped. It’s relaxing for both mom and baby. Try feeding in the bath as well. A hot bath is one of the best things that helped for colic. Dont make the bath hot to begin with, but constantly add a little more hot water so that your baby’s body adjusts to the temperature.

4. Movement.
Put your baby in the pram, and go for a walk. Wear your baby. Put your baby in a sling, and walk around the garden. Try a rocking chair. Even a swing chair. I had one of these. Miracle worker, I tell you. I even passed it on to another mom, who swears by it. Adores it, has bought enough batteries to last until her kid is 18. Put your baby in the car seat and go for a drive. Put the babyseat on top of the washing machine or dryer while it’s going through a cycle. The vibration is very soothing.

Put baby over your knees, on his tummy, and your hand on his back, and cradling his head, and bounce your knees gently. If there’s a wind that’s stuck, that will dislodge it.

5. Music.
Classical music doesn’t seem to be very soothing for my child, I must be honest. I bought all these classical music CDs thinking I was going to make my baby a genius, when it turns out that the music actually bothers him. Wanna know what he does like? Reggae music. That’s what soothes him. So find what music works for you, and turn it up! Hold your baby close to you, and sway gently with him to the music.

6. Get out!
Put the pram out in the garden, under a tree so baby can watch the moving leaves and branches. That’s one big mobile, right there, for free. Fresh air is great for making baby sleepy. Go on an outing. Sometime baby has the best sleep, in the pram, in a busy mall, while you can get a good dose of retail therapy.

7. Recreate the womb.
Your baby was used to a confined, warm environment – he lived in your cramped womb for 40 weeks. Remind him of the womb. Wrap him up like a burrito (swaddle him) hold him close to you, so he can hear your heart beat. Gently make a shushing sound, which will recreate the sound of your bood running through your veins that he heard constantly while in the womb. Dont try to make the house too quiet, as when he was in your womb he was used to a lot of background noise. So keep things on a low-level hum around the house.

8. Ask for help.
If you’re at the point where you’re tempted to throw your baby in the rubbish bin, give him to someone else and take a break. If there’s no one around, call someone and tell them to come quick, it’s an emergency. You’ll usually find that handing baby to someone who’s calm and fresh, is an instant soother. If there’s no one to help, put the baby on the floor for a few minutes and go into another room, and pull yourself together. Your baby cant fall off the floor, and it’s unlikely he can hurt himself.

9. Skin-on-skin.
Sometimes babies just need some closeness and reassurance. Skin on skin contact can provide this. Make sure the room is warm enough. Put a blanket over the two of you. Rub his back, run a feather or something light over his skin to tickle him. Distract him. Run your hands all over his skin and try to remain calm.

10. Sucking.
Offer a dummy. Dont worry about your child getting attached to the dummy, that’s a worry for another day. Focus on today. Offer the breast or a bottle. Sucking is a natural comfort reflex that fulfils a variety of different needs. Want to know how it works? Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth, just behind your teeth. Feeling of instant calm? well, that’s what a dummy does for a baby. So dont diss it til you’ve tried it!

Lastly…

“Remind yourself that you’re not always going to know what to do. You can’t keep a baby happy all day long. When you don’t know what to do, don’t think any less of yourself for it. Nobody’s perfect and not all babies are the same.”

Just try to remain as calm as possible. Baby is not crying to ruin your day, or manipulate you, even though it may feel that way. Baby is crying to communicate with you. He has a need that he wants you to fulfil.

It’s up to you to figure out what that is. Good luck.