Ask Me

A lot of searches have found this blog, and I will respond to them, in ‘agony aunt‘ format.

new mother afraid of their own baby‘. Yes, it happens. You come home from the hospital and you realise that no book you’ve ever read, or ante-natal class you’ve ever attended could have ever prepared you for this. You have a tiny baby, with a fragile neck, it cries a lot, shits a lot, and is hungry all the time. This shit is scary. You dont know what to do, you dont know how to comfort your child, and you feel afraid.

Dont worry – this is completely normal. We’ve all been there. So, what should you do? Relax, it’s very difficult to actually break your baby. So dont worry about that. Re-read your baby books, because now you’ll actually be reading them as if you’ve never done so before. Take it one step at a time. Ask for help from other mothers you know. Ask for advice. Ask for help from your partner.

Above all, just relax. Then go read these links:
1. Newborn care: common sense strategies for stressed-out parents.
2. Newborns – Caring for Your Newborn.

what it’s like to be a parent for a non-parent‘. There are many things people dont tell you, in case they put you off having children. In case they’re the only ones who feel like that, they dont want to be the only ones so they hide it. But, you want to know what it’s like to be a parent? Take the most responsibility you’ve ever had in your life, multiply it by a 100, and you’ll be a little closer.

Parenthood is responsibility, hard work and dedication and patience. But, you’ll discover, that most of the time, it’s actually worth it. Would I recommend it? Probably. It’s hard to say.

Feeling broody?
Read these ten things no one tells a new mommy.

new mom’s life after a new baby‘. What life? Haha. You’ll be sleep-deprived, stressed out and wont be able to think clearly. You’ll be feeding, changing nappies, burping, rocking and trying to figure it all out. But take it easy, you still have plenty of time to get to know your baby. And the beginning days, where they sleep a lot, are in fact supposed to be the easiest. Babies sleep most of the day and night, for the first 6 weeks of their lives.  It’s what to do when they wake up after that, and suddenly want to be entertained, that’s the hard part.

But as for your life after a new baby – I’d say make sure you get some ‘me-time’. It’s essential to stay sane. Go shopping, go for a walk, go sit in the garden and read, but whatever it is you do to relax, make sure you do. Your baby will benefit from having a relaxed mommy.

Also, dont be afraid to take your newborn out. They’ll sleep wonderfully while you’re pushing a pram around the mall, they’ll sleep on your lap, while you go out for dinner with friends. And newborns love cars – a trip in the car is a sure way to put a baby to sleep. You’re going to be doing whatever your kid wants to do, for the next 20 years, you might as well enjoy doing what you want to do, while you still can, and baby is too little to protest.

social life of a new mom‘. Yes, you probably will realise who your real friends are. If friends dont stick around once baby’s born, ask yourself if they were really worth having around anyway. It is possible to have a social life, although just not on the same scale as you had before. Visit with friends, go out for lunch, go for picnics. Try to make friends with people who have babies as well. That way you can go to kid-friendly places together.

Dont expect to be putting on your stilettos and party dresses straight away, though. With becoming a mother comes responsibility. The safety of your child comes before any social event, so make sure you’ve got it all sussed out, when you step out your front door, baby carrier and bottle of wine in tow. Make sure that you’re not the driver if you’re drinking, or hire a trusted babysitter, or prey on unsuspecting family members.

Just take it slowly, and ease back into the swing of things. You might find you’ve missed it all, and really enjoy yourself, or you might find it wasn’t quite what you remembered, and wish you were home in bed with some ice cream and a good book!

things to say to a new mommy‘. This one is relatively easy – just tell her she’s beautiful, capable and doing a wonderful job. Offer her help, offer to cook for her, offer to take the baby so she can have a long hot bath or get some much needed sleep. Most important, say re-assuring things. Reassure her that she CAN do this, it will get easier, and the hard part and sleep-deprivation doesn’t last forever.

More important, I think, are things not to tell a new mommy. Dont tell her she looks tired, dont tell her she looks drained, and that maybe she should shower and change out of her bathrobe. Just leave well alone. Dont tell her she’s not doing it right. Don’t second-guess any of her decisions or methods, just gently suggest alternatives, if you’re really worried. Encouragement and compliments is what a new mommy really needs.

mommy sissy baby breastfeed‘. I gather you’re worried that if your baby is breastfed, he’s going to turn into a sissy. I’ve never heard anything like this in my life. I mean, really. Breastfeeding, if you get into it, is one of the most beneficial things you can ever do for your child. All those vital immunities and all that serious, natural nutrition is amazing. But, if you’re like me, and it’s too much hard work, bottle-feeding isn’t the end of the world.

But I dont believe that for a second, breast-feeding, if done right and if baby is weaned at the appropriate time, can turn a boy into a sissy. Really, what planet are you from?

does your baby sense tension during the first few weeks‘. Totally. It’s called the mommy-baby-tension cycle. Mommy gets tense, because baby is tense, baby is more tense because mommy is tense, and so on, until no one knows where it began.

What to do? Have a long, warm bath with your baby. Lay baby on your chest in the warm water, and rub his/her back with some baby oil. Try feeding in the bath. Take a walk together. Wear your baby. Baby slings, if you figure them out, are great. Try a baby massage. (Here’s instructions)

bad reasons to have a baby‘. There are a few. Dont have a baby to trap a man. Dont think he’ll love you more (or love you again) if you have his baby. If you trick him into having his baby. Chances are he might just resent you for burdening him with being responsible for you AND a baby.

Dont have a baby if you think it will help fix your marrige. If your relationship wasn’t strong before, having a baby is only going to place even more strain on your relationship. Dont have a baby because you think ‘it will be nice to have someone around’. You have that new person around for the rest of your natural life. And the responsibility that comes with ‘having someone around’ is overwhelming.

Another bad reason is to get a state housing/welfare grant. Not being judgmental or anything, but wow. You get that grant, and it’s all well and good, but then a baby comes with so many other added expenses that, is it really all worthwhile?

bad mommy blog‘. yup. this is it. if you’re looking for more, check out my blog roll. There’s bad mommies aplenty there.

baby‘. would you like to specify? This search term is a bit general, I dont know what you’re asking.

things to do with baby‘ Play with them, bath them, feed them, change their nappies, take them for a walk, talk to them, play music, dance with them, let them sleep. Need more info? Here it is…
Learning and Playing with 1-3 month old.

Birth to Six Months.

Games to play with your baby.

More Baby Activities.

new mom nervous to change diapers‘. God, who would’nt be. The first few nappies are foul. That meconium stuff is awful. But seriously, nappy changing gets easier the more you do it. Here’s some how-to tips:
1. How to change a diaper.
2. Another How-to Guide, by a Dad.
3. What You’ll Need.

lists of things new moms need‘.’ See these posts:
1. What to pack for the hospital.
2. What You’ll Need for Your New Baby.

how to soothe a baby without a dummy’. Why would you want to? A dummy is a very good soother, and sucking is a natural comfort reflex. In this case it’s usually about weighing up dummy versus thumb sucking. Thumb sucking is a much harder habit to break, while children usually give up the dummy when they no longer need it. Thumb sucking is much harder to give up. I know adults that still suck their thumbs when they’re really in need of emotional comfort.

Why do babies suck dummies or their thumbs? Put your tongue on the roof of your mouth, just behind your teeth. Go on, do it. How does it feel? A sense of instant calm? Well, that’s where the dummy rubs, or the thumb rubs, when a baby sucks it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with using a dummy to soothe a baby. At least using a dummy means you can choose an orthodontic variety, which will ensure that jaw and tooth development is not compromised, while with thumbsucking, you cannot.

One other added bonus of using a dummy to soothe a baby? It has been shown to lower the chances of cot-death/SIDS.

rescue remedy and pregnancy‘. Natura Rescue Remedy is safe, for mother and baby. Just follow the guidelines on the packaging carefully. I even add a few drops to my baby’s night-time bottle, it helps him sleep. It’s not a sedative, or a drug, it’s a natural calming remedy.

when is it okay for a new mother to go out?‘. As soon as you’re ready to, lovey. Make sure you have a reliable babysitter, who knows how to look after your baby. Time away from your baby is important for your sanity. Don’t feel guilty. You might worry about the baby the first few times you’re separated, but it gets easier!

soothing a crying baby in the car‘. Try these few things:
1. Put the radio on, and sing along.
2. Put the wipers on – the noise should distract and soothe.
3. Put the fan on – this might also help.
4. If none of those help – pull over to the side of the road, and offer your baby a feed or replace the dummy or offer a few toys. Stickers for the car window, or special toys to be played with only in the car should be kept in your car.


7 Responses

  1. Is there actually a good reason for having a baby?

  2. ummm…..because you really, really want one?

  3. Cheap labour once they get to about sink-height? They can wash dishes, clean houses, mow the lawn, pick up the dog crap, hell, lots of uses! 😉

    Heh-heh. 🙂

  4. Hi, I’d like to share with you an interesting idea for a blog post. Please email me at your earliest convenience. Thanks! -Brian

  5. baby books should have as many pictures as possible because babies like to see pictures ,`*

  6. Hi, my name is Holly Weaver and i’m part of a collective Doula group called Ideal Birth. I’m looking to start posting blogs on Bad Mommy to inform the public of what we have to offer. I can’t seem to figure out how to sign up to post blogs. Any help would be wonderful. Just email me at

    thanks much,


  7. Fabulous stuff! I love this blog, its real, no hidden interpretations required. Being a mum is hard bloody work, you never know if you are doing the right thing or not, let me repeat this again, YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. What works one day will probably not work the next. I have a 2 month old and a 14 year old – ja I know the gap is huge – and believe me you are not prepared in becoming a parent. In fact with my 14 year old I was a mere 23, what do you know at 23? That, in hindsight, was my saving grace. Being blissfully naieve and bumbling through it. Now of course I am a little more mature and constantly second guessing myself! My poor husband, he does remarkably well under the circumstances.. Keep it up, I feel all that more confident when I read your blog.

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