My son, it’s been nearly one year since you first appeared on this planet in person. Nearly 20 months since you first made an appearance inside my uterus.
That’s nearly a long time, you know. Since then, so much has happened to the both of us. You grow more and more every day, and show more of an understanding of yourself, and the world around you with every minute that passes.
You have a wonderful laugh. Carefree and so freely given. You laugh at anything. No joke or funny face seems to ever wear off with you. It’s like the first time every time. I think that is a good lesson I should learn from you. I have become far too jaded lately, and nothing seems new and exciting anymore. I should try to see things the way you do. Even if it’s not the first time, it’s still the first time right now, and right now is all that matters.
I’m sure you’ve probably noticed that I’m not as uptight as I used to be. I dont bother about feeding you with a bib on anymore. There’s going to be mess, but as long as you enjoy your food, I shouldn’t worry about the mess now. That’s a problem for later. Right now, all that matters is meeting your immediate needs. I shouldn’t worry about you wanting to eat sand from the flower beds and getting a dirty face and fingernails, because sooner or later it’s bath time, and that’s a whole other adventure. You’re slowly teaching me to see that not everything about having a baby is a chore. It’s more of a challenge. A challenge to get a clean nappy on your wriggling body, a challenge to help you take your first steps.
More importantly, a challenge to teach you to have fun, and be a child. A challenge to myself, to make it fun and try remember that I wasn’t always a grumpy, miserable adult.
I love you, my son, and even though sometimes you make me feel really, really old, I dont mind nearly as much as I thought I would. And I look forward, one day, to drawings on the wall, messy handprints all over the furniture, and stepping on lego bits in the dark.
Because that’s what being a mommy is about. And it’s time I learned to embrace it, instead of trying to pretend it doesn’t exist!